Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
