I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
