im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
