it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just pee around me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
