I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
