found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is the high leading the old right now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
