I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
