I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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