...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
