ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
