I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
