I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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