How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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