if i can run in heels then i can drive
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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