I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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