we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How does one acquire holy water?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
