Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
