once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
