why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
