so that wasnt chicken after all
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
