not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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