break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
