My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
