I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
