i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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