Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
