Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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