woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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