hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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