mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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