my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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