i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
