Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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