How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
