So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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