We're facebook friends in real life
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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