We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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