whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
