And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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