Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
