I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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