I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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