Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
