a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
