just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sorry my hands just texted you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
