I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
