his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
