I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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