so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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