Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm passing your future prison.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
