There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
