True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
