I didn't shave. On purpose
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
