dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
