I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it's great music for shaving your balls
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
