Say something about gay babies.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
