i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
