i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
