Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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