I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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