Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
