My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
