____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
