I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
barbara walters just said penis...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
