How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
where are my eyebrows?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
